Isis ([info]isiscolo) wrote in [info]hpsquick100,
2003-10-16 20:49:00

hard to face

Title: Hard to Face
Word Count: 100
Characters/Pairings: Voldemort/Quirrell
Challenge: Voldiesex


The trouble with sharing your body with the Dark Lord was that one body just wasn't enough real estate for two people.

Voldemort was clearly unhappy, restricted to the back of his head. Bad enough when Voldemort's face was there, even covered by a turban. But every so often he'd shift his few square inches into an arm. Or just a hand. Or...

"Quirrell! I want sex!"

Quirrell sighed and unwound the turban, then dipped his hand into a jar of lubricant. Reaching around to the back of his head, he began to stroke.

God, he hated being a dickhead.

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  • 37 comments

[info]little_needle

October 16 2003, 20:13:07 UTC 8 years ago

God, he hated being a dickhead.

At first -- horrified. I cannot believe you wrote that! HAHAHA

[info]laurelwood

October 16 2003, 20:17:32 UTC 8 years ago

What a great tricep-toning exercise that'd be, if done regularly! Poor Quirrell... but at least he didn't have to watch.

[info]florahart

October 17 2003, 14:41:44 UTC 8 years ago

This comment made me laugh nearly as hard as the work itself. Twice. Tricep-toning. Not having to watch. Haaaaahahahaha.

[info]sparrohawk

October 16 2003, 20:29:51 UTC 8 years ago

::shaking head in dismay::

I am squicked by the pun far more than the content. As you promised.

[info]isiscolo

October 16 2003, 20:35:24 UTC 8 years ago

Yay! That's the whole purpose of puns, after all.

[info]rane_ab

October 16 2003, 21:06:19 UTC 8 years ago

*cracks up* Oh my... Poor Quirrel... :)

[info]nadai

October 16 2003, 21:31:56 UTC 8 years ago

Now there's a mental image I won't soon forget. no matter how hard I try

Only you, Isis, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. :)

[info]jeddy83

October 16 2003, 21:51:15 UTC 8 years ago

Well, this is the official winner of this weeks prize for making me spray my lunch over the keyboard.

[info]isiscolo

October 16 2003, 21:55:54 UTC 8 years ago

Yay! Mission accomplished!

[info]dphearson

October 16 2003, 21:58:21 UTC 8 years ago

Damn, that's awful!

It was the pun that killed it.

*LOL*

[info]thistle_chaser

October 16 2003, 22:30:58 UTC 8 years ago

I'm so disturbed by this, I can't pick out one part to comment on. Quirrell ... lube... sex... ack!

:)

[info]medusalethe

October 17 2003, 00:07:48 UTC 8 years ago

*snorts her tea* That was truly awful! In the best possible way, of course...

[info]amanuensis1

October 17 2003, 03:21:43 UTC 8 years ago

I'm going to be ill. *is ill* You're getting the "most creative, dear GOD" award from me on this one! ^_~

[info]ntamara

October 17 2003, 04:55:50 UTC 8 years ago

omfg

you on crack! (don't kick the habit!)

[info]corsiva

October 17 2003, 07:42:11 UTC 8 years ago

BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

MMk, wow that was disturbing in many ways.

Excellent work, and kudos for the v. original idea of Voldie shifting body parts on Quirrill's head.

*is squicked*

[info]isiscolo

October 17 2003, 08:20:02 UTC 8 years ago

Well, this is hpSQUICK100...

[info]corsiva

8 years ago

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[info]florahart

October 17 2003, 09:48:48 UTC 8 years ago

Quirrel even *having* a jar of lube handy brought the squick. Space-shifting Voldemort: ewwww. The pun: oh.my.god. Beauty. And I join the "sprayed coffee" on my keyboard" crowd.

[info]venivincere

October 17 2003, 12:01:19 UTC 8 years ago

Oh, dear lord! This gives new meaning to the words "spitting mad."

[info]soawen

October 17 2003, 12:16:19 UTC 8 years ago

Aaah! So many possibilities with shifting!Voldemort - I'll be laughing out loud while I gorge out my eyes with a spoon.

[info]lesadoreyl

October 17 2003, 16:14:18 UTC 8 years ago

*bursts out laughing* Oh...my...God...I'll never ever be able to use the word 'dickhead' without laughing my ass off. :D

[info]isiscolo

October 17 2003, 16:16:54 UTC 8 years ago

Aie! Between sprouting penises and asses falling off, we've got a serious problem with body parts! :-)

[info]lesadoreyl

8 years ago

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[info]isiscolo

8 years ago

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[info]lesadoreyl

October 17 2003, 17:11:48 UTC 8 years ago

*is off to scare and scar people*

[info]ex_milkthist86

October 17 2003, 17:20:14 UTC 8 years ago

Ha! That has to be the weirdest mental image EVER. Too funny, am very squicked.

[info]toft_froggy

October 18 2003, 11:02:59 UTC 8 years ago

I had to read that about three times before I got it. Is that an indication that I have a shred of innocence left? You sick, sick woman? *g*

[info]puella_deville

October 18 2003, 11:19:55 UTC 8 years ago

Haahahahahahah! I suppose there are worse places for those bits to emerge....

[info]vixen_of_light

September 7 2004, 05:39:35 UTC 7 years ago

I was idly pottering through the past Squicks and found this and anyone who knows me knows I <3 Quirrell more than anything and honest to gods, this made me snigger so much...mind if I add to my memories? Then I can giggle evilly whenever I want!

[info]isiscolo

September 7 2004, 13:08:10 UTC 7 years ago

Glad you liked it! You can re-read it to your heart's (or any other optional body part) content. :-)

[info]vixen_of_light

7 years ago

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[info]blueyeti

February 6 2005, 04:08:45 UTC 7 years ago

At first I misread the line about switching bodyparts so I thought that Voldie's face appeared on Quirrel's forearm ect, so when he was saying 'I want sex!' his head was shifted to the top of Quirrel's penis and that was a very very bad mental place.

Thanks for the laugh. (Didn't get nearly squicked enough, probably because of how much worse I'd made it... *pout* Oh well, brilliant anyway.)

[info]isiscolo

February 6 2005, 23:27:45 UTC 7 years ago

Thanks very much for your kind comments on my drabbles!

Anonymous

November 19 2006, 23:42:39 UTC 5 years ago

whoa

oh my goodness gracious me.

*hurls and laughs at the same time*

wow.

gross is an understatement.

of the century.

all of them.

wow.

[info]celestat

February 28 2009, 21:29:51 UTC 3 years ago

This is simply hillarious!

Now excuse me while I go and bleach my brain...

[info]isiscolo

March 2 2009, 18:51:25 UTC 3 years ago

Whee, glad it scarred you for life! And I am curious how you came upon this so long after it was written (but delighted, really).

[info]celestat

3 years ago

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